Admirable Sentiment: 2015

Surga Yang Tak Dirindukan

By Ainum Lathifah - December 31, 2015

ehem. hari tu aku dah buat review (review-lah sangat) tentang Tenggelamnya Kapal Van Der Wijck. insyaAllah sekarang nak cerita pasal Surga Yang Tak Dirindukan karya Asma Nadia. tapi aku cuma cerita berdasarkan filem sebab bukunya aku belum baca. dan setakat apa yang aku pernah kenal, ini adalah karya terbaik oleh Asma Nadia. serius. okay, sebelum tu play lagu Surga Yang Tak Dirindukan -...

pesanan istisyarah sebelum istikharah

By Ainum Lathifah - December 27, 2015

semalam sembang dengan my best girlfriends dan yang lucunya masing-masing dah makin serius fikir pasal kahwin. macam-macam situasi yang ada bagi setiap dari kami. ada yang menunggu bertahun-tahun tapi sekarang tiba-tiba ada orang lain yang melamar. ada yang berhubungan jarak jauh, malaysia-jordan dan bermasalah tentang masa. macam-macamlah. tapi semuanya dah serius. yang penting, serius. tak ada masa dah nak berhubungan yang main-main. having...

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Ini Buku Kita

I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings

By Ainum Lathifah - December 27, 2015

rasanya aku tahu kenapa burung di dalam sangkar itu sering menyanyi kaki tak diikat tapi bebasnya digari ingin terbang jasad tak mampu untuk terbang jiwa rasa kaku mungkin seperti itulah aku apa lagi yang mampu dilakukan selain menulis melayankan kerenah jiwa yang enggan patuh ingin bersuara diri tak mampu untuk bersuara jiwa rasa perlu burung dalam sangkar bebas bersuara jasad terkurung aku dalam...

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Heavy Ranting

sifirnya mudah ; dia cinta aku

By Ainum Lathifah - December 23, 2015

wishlist aku sekarang rasanya cuma ada dua ; pertama, semoga Allah ambil nyawa di kala jiwa sedang mabuk rindu kepada-Nya, tika aku redha akan-Nya dan Dia redha kepada aku. sebab sekarang iman gersang terlampau. dahaga yang sepertinya tak akan hilang haus sampai bila-bila. jiwa kosong ibarat dalam lorong. sebelum sampai ke hujungnya, tak habis-habis hati berdebar curiga akan apa yang bakal ditemui di...

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Daily Life

merintihlah ; Allah dengar

By Ainum Lathifah - December 21, 2015

tiga empat hari lepas gebu sakit. telinga dia kena jangkitan kuman. teruk jugalah untuk budak manja macam dia untuk hadap. memang jadi senyap tak peduli apa. makan pun tak lalu. dia sangat kuat makan. biasa kalau time sihat, dialah yang pertama hadap talam makanan dan dialah yang terakhir habiskan. yang lain makan sikit terus blah, dia tak. disebabkan telinga dia sakit, memang tak...

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Daily Life

What will you do if someone likes you?

By Ainum Lathifah - December 18, 2015

dapat soalan ni dekat askfm. aku tergelak dua saat. janganlah tanya soalan yang buat aku nak throwback segala benda. haha. aku malas nak jawab dekat situ, malulah aku. sebabnya, kalau aku tahu orang suka aku memang aku cuak (seriously). cuak sebab ada pengalaman pahit (ye ye je pahit). okay sini aku cerita. first time aku dapat love letter masa aku darjah 5. masa...

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Daily Life

why do I write?

By Ainum Lathifah - December 17, 2015

aku rasa aku baru jumpa sebab sebenar kenapa aku boleh mula menulis. dari awal create blog sampailah sekarang. kalau dulu masa mula-mula ada blog, cuma taruk bahan-bahan copy dari web lain, sekadar untuk kongsi balik apa yang dibaca. tapi lepas tu aku mula tulis sendiri. huruf-huruf aku. perkataan-perkataan aku. ayat-ayat aku. penyebab boleh mula tulis tu sebab aku nak confess sesuatu yang aku...

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Avatar's Talk

Of Fire Lord Ozai, Prince Zuko and the Agni Kai

By Ainum Lathifah - December 12, 2015

ini adalah scene agni kai antara fire lord ozai dan prince zuko, his own son. agni kai ni tradition berkurun lamanya dalam fire nation iaitu firebending duel. agni kai biasa akan diadakan bilamana firebender tu nak reclaim dia punya honor after being disrespected (sort of) atau untuk selesaikan konflik dan juga sebagai entertainment untuk penonton. dan semestinya dalam agni kai, akan ada yang...

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Daily Life

Selamat Pengantin Baru

By Ainum Lathifah - December 11, 2015

Seandainya Allah izinkan saya untuk punya suami di dunia ini, saya berharap benar semoga saya tidak berlebih-lebihan berbicara tentang dia (atau mungkin sebetulnya tentang kami berdua) pada khalayak. Iyalah, bila dah bercinta, apalagi dalam hubungan yang memang membuahkan pahala, semestinya akan ada rasa mahu uar-uarkan bahagia. Sedangkan belum menikah saja saya rasa mahu cerita setiap hal yang manis-manis (kalau ada) tentang bakal beliau...

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Heavy Ranting

"You're finally connected with your spiritual self. When we hit our lowest point, we're opened to the greatest change." - Avatar Aang

By Ainum Lathifah - December 04, 2015

sometimes memories are the best hunter to us. they hunt us non stop as long as we refuse to face them. we can pause them but to shut them down forever is never going to happen. no matter what it takes, they'll force us to make the playback and saw everything that had happened. again. we'll end up stressed and depressed and worse -- they can drive you crazy. a real mental disorder.

and you think there're way to stop the memories from hunting us?

since i fell sick i was unable to remember any memories from the past two years. it's not totally faded out but, they all got so blurry and i can't remember them well. it's a good thing by the way. i'd rather have them wiped away since remembering them just made me hurt.

but i was wrong.

the reason why i'm not fully recovered spiritually is because i blocked the memories. whenever they pop up in my head, i didn't let them flowed. i thought if i blocked them from attacking me emotionally, i'd be okay. but things didn't seem to work like i thought it should be.

alhamdulillah for siti ainum being a cartoon-maniac and emo-maniac. good cartoon always makes me cry as i put all of emotions when i watched them. they give me a lot of things to learn. well, i just finished watching Avatar : The Legend of Korra. and of course i got something.

when korra was captured by the red lotus and being poisoned by them, she had a bad injury physically and spiritually. she's unable to run from her worst past, the time when she almost killed by zaheer the leader of the red lotus. she couldn't go to the spirit world as she didn't find peace, her emotions was out of balance. in order to overcome her fear towards zaheer, korra and mako went to meet him in the prison.

zaheer helped to lead korra to enter the spirit world. but the journey needs her to face her fear once and for all. when the memory of her battle with zaheer replayed, she refuse to take it.

"let it play out."

"i can't."

"you can. accept what had happened to you. don't fear what might have been. don't be afraid. hold on."

and she made it. enemies do teach us a big lesson. avatar series never failed to impress me. aang series taught me a lot about wisdom but, korra gave me many solutions. and i need them both.

i learn a lot from that scene. there are times when we refuse the reality. because reality hurts. it's hard to accept what had happened in a way you never expected.

"that poison should have killed you but, you're able to fight it off. you think your power has limits. i say it's limitless." - zaheer to korra

"i know i was in a pretty dark place after i was poisoned but, i've finally understand why i had to go through all that. i need to do understand what true suffering was. so, i could become more compassionate to others even to people like kuvira." - korra to tenzin

i need to understand what true suffering was..

Ya Allah. i don't question Your deed. i know it's just a test to decrease my infinity sins. but, i can't deny that it hurts so much too. i too tired i could die. but with this ilham given tonight, i just can pray that i won't block the haunted memories anymore. i need to let them flow in order to gain inner peace.

i don't care if tomorrow i'll have a break down again because i know healing needs process. may the day will come, when i read this entry again and say ;

"i made it. i passed the test. i've found sakinah."

Ya Allah. i know You'll make it to happen. one day. i'll give my full attempt to get over this and the rest is Yours -- i'm learning to accept what had happened and what is happening and insyaAllah what will happen.

i trust that Your plans are always the best for me.

empat tahun lalu, nafas kau seperti direnggut dan kau hilang asa untuk teruskan hela.

tiga tahun lalu, hati kau dibelah toreh dan kau antara hidup mati sedut udara duka.

dua tahun lalu, luka bekas torehan semalam seperti terbuka kembali dan kau diam kerana sudah biasa.

satu tahun lalu, parut bekas luka semalam disentuh perlahan dan kau senyum walaupun asbab luka itu belum kau lupa.

hari ini, kau bangun pagi dan ketawa kejar bahagia depan muka sebab kau dah tak peduli sakit derita sebelumnya.

tak penting berapa tahun yang perlu kau ambil untuk atasi dan hadapi segala luka.

yang penting,

akhirnya kau sembuh.

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Menemukan Tuhan

Hidangan dari langit

By Ainum Lathifah - August 08, 2015

Maghrib yang mengharukan. Maghrib yang menenangkan. Sambung tilawah juzuk ketujuh hari ini. Meniti surah al-maidah satu persatu tanpa terjemahan. Dan akhirnya akal menangkap sesuatu pada baris-baris terakhir ayat. Mata mula rasa mahu berair. Sakitnya tahan sayu. Mujurlah reti bahasa arab tahap budak pasti. Faham jugalah maknanya. Konklusi untuk penemuan hari ini; Kalau sang nabi isa a.s dan hawariyyun, para pengikut setia dihidangkan al-maidah...

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Heavy Ranting

menjadi "tae-yang" buat ummah

By Ainum Lathifah - July 21, 2015

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Daily Life

about this second round fifth semester

By Ainum Lathifah - June 28, 2015

almost a year I've been lived in a situation where I was down at heart and down to earth. depression killed me. until one day I met kak zura by co-incidence. and she told me what I might become if I keep drowning myself in depression. I might be crazy if I continue behaving like that. yes, I know it's not impossible because...

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Menemukan Tuhan

Tahu oleh Fynn Jamal (untuk orang-orang yang pernah rasa)

By Ainum Lathifah - June 16, 2015

dan kau tanya dalam diam dengan mata kau biar pejam bagaimana mungkin wujud sunyi di riuh engkau berdiri monolog sendiri. setiap manusia ada soliloquy yang kalau dibaca depan khalayak, bakal memberi tangis. sebab perasaan kita sama saja. tak kisahlah apa bentuk susah hati yang dirasa, perasaan itu tetap sama. sunyi sebenarnya hidup sebelum kenal Tuhan. sungguh, tak tipu. sunyi yang tak tahu nak...

Tentang GDSJHT

By Ainum Lathifah - June 12, 2015

tentang kisah tentang cinta tentang benci tentang tentang dah lama jadi silent reader di blog gdsjht. entah kenapa, membaca perempuan itu terasa seperti membaca diri sendiri. sakit derita berbeza. tapi perasaan nak memberontak itu masih sama -- bencikan hidup yang ada. bab nak putus nyawa sendiri tak payah cakaplah, berapa kali cubaan tak berjaya. "aku cuma boleh tulis waktu marah, sakit, atau sedih....

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Surga Yang Tak Dirindukan

pesanan istisyarah sebelum istikharah

I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings

sifirnya mudah ; dia cinta aku

merintihlah ; Allah dengar

What will you do if someone likes you?

why do I write?

Of Fire Lord Ozai, Prince Zuko and the Agni Kai

Selamat Pengantin Baru

"You're finally connected with your spiritual self. When we hit our lowest point, we're opened to the greatest change." - Avatar Aang

Hidangan dari langit

menjadi "tae-yang" buat ummah

about this second round fifth semester

Tahu oleh Fynn Jamal (untuk orang-orang yang pernah rasa)

Tentang GDSJHT

ASSALAMU'ALAIKUM

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