Ainum. 

choose the one who ignore you as you're not still his even though a simple 'salam, kaifa haluki?' would do. 

choose the one who wander less in your mind as he got nothing special to say to you so, you won't be high over heels before you get nikah.

choose the one who are able to wait for you in patience as he believes Allah knows more so, he don't do something rush and stupid.

choose the one who are willing to wait for you in silence as he doesn't want to distract your focus and ruin your mujahadah. and his too, of course.

The choice is yours. It's not easy to decide. yes, I know it's not easy. tapi bila mana Allah cenderungkan hati kita untuk itu, just follow it. istikharah tak semestinya nak kena mimpi muka dia atau apa. yang penting kita rasa cenderung pada dia dan keputusan tu menenangkan kita.

payah nak mujahadah. tapi boleh jadi 'senang' kalau kedua-dua pihak bekerjasama dalam menjayakan mujahadah itu. 

oh dan sedikit pesanan untuk ikhwan ya. kalau kamu suka mana-mana akhawat, tolonglah jangan terlalu tunjuk sangat kita nak kejar dia. buat rilek sudahla. ni kalau hari-hari nak mesej nak call, rimaslah. jangan sengaja nak cari topik untuk diajak berbual. yang peliknya bila hari-hari ada saja topik baru. "enta ni tak tsiqah langsung" bak kata budak KIPSAS. jangan mudah sangat nak confess. pastikan yakin dengan padat dan mutakhir dulu memang nak dia jadi isteri, tanya family dan beres, barulah boleh nak confess. tapi tak payahlah teruk sangat nak confess pun. tak payah sebutlah tulang rusuk segala tu. 

lagipun, pernah tebaca satu quote, 

"how to get a girl?"

"the answer is 90% on 'ignore her' "

yes, I agree. I do agree. true enough. 

and I've made up my mind. Allah guides me in this terrible feeling. He shows me 'him'. may Allah makes ease for us in everything. 

I don't need a sweet proposal like "bersediakan saudari untuk menjadi ustazah di rumah ini?". tak perlu. I just need a respected one. respected in his own way and in my own way to accept it.

I don't choose him because he's soleh. but, I choose him to make myself solehah. selfish? yes, I am. when I am solehah, then he can grant me paradise and I can grant him too. 

this is a writing for me. to remind me when I lost. and also to my freinds yang ada juga datang curhat "aku pening ni. macam mana ni.. nak pilih sapa?" tanya aku gaya aku ni expert sangat. tapi this is something yang aku boleh bagi. based on my experience. based on my knowledge. I can't say something I don't know. something I don't go through on my own.

dan this writing is too meremangkan, I know. lusa dah balik kolej, insyaAllah. so, there's no way la untuk aku tulis benda macam ni lagi lepas ni kan. nak update blog pun tak tahulah sempat atau tak. tapi tak apa. I love it anyway. 

hm. takut nak balik KIPSAS. Allahuakbar.

tulisan tadi hanya untuk peringatan. lusa bermulanya hari yang meletihkan dengan aktiviti syurga, insyaAllah! sekarang, masanya untuk fokus. wah, semangat. see? it's very important to choose a right partner-to-be. my focus in KIPSAS never distracted because of him. tipsnya, jangan contact. ok done.